Here after all
by Anytha84
Summary: Fitz held Jemma closer, knowing that they were both changed; different from what they were yet again but they were still here after all. Together. Spoilers from episode 3x10.


Ok, Maveth left me with a mix of feelings. The FitzSimmons reunion scene was beautiful and bittersweet as all the scenes we've had of them this season are but this last scene was really heartbreaking.

I'm quite sure that Jemma saw Fitz in the pod: we get a glimpse of him so she must have seen him too. So, in my opinion, she got closer to see if Will was inside.

When she turned and saw Fitz, I think that everything just collapsed inside her. The poor girl is a struggling mess of feelings and guilt.

And I also think that Season 3B will make us suffer like hell because both of our scientists will struggle with their emotions.

Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

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 _Here after all_

Jemma couldn't describe the rush of feelings that coursed through her body as the pod arrived.

She didn't allow herself to hope too much, to let herself believe in something that might not be true.

But hope was a tremendously stubborn and strong feeling and it lingered in her chest despite her attempts to quell it from the moment Mack had said that they were all coming back.

Would _he_ be _-_?

She saw people moving in the pod and caught a glimpse of light curls and a well-known gait though there was a slight limp in it. Her heart leapt in her chest.

He had promised: he said that he would come back.

He _always_ kept his promises...

Daisy walked out, looking battered but unharmed and smiled at them all. She immediately walked towards Lincoln and Jemma felt happy for her friend who had finally found a person that cared and loved her as much as she deserved.

She couldn't help the little seed of envy and longing as they looked at each other, hands moving to hold each other's face.

Could she even have that now? With all that had happened, would _he_ even want to-?

Jemma noticed that there wasn't anything moving in the pod and she moved forward as her heart picked in speed; she looked through the glass and found the chamber... empty.

Her mind went blank.

She heard voices around her as Mack was greeted by Bobbi and Hunter and then cheers as Coulson came but she couldn't focus.

The pod was empty.

Jemma stubbornly stared through the glass, expecting someone to appear. She was greeted by the sight of a candid white room.

Fitz was back but Will wasn't there.

She wondered if it was even possible to feel relief and anguish at the same moment and with such intensity.

She had pleaded for Fitz to come back to her. He had promised to do so and had added that he'd only bring back the astronaut.

Perhaps the evil Inhuman stopped them by the portal?

Scenarios filled her mind, increasing the mingle of emotions in her chest. She imagined Fitz fighting against the being while attempting to save Will.

She imagined them both fighting to get back. Or had Will been dead already and all that Fitz had found was his corpse on the spot where she had lost him in the sandstorm?

The man that had been by her side for more than a decade, who had rescued her from the hellish depths of the universe, not caring for himself in doing so, alongside the man that had kept her safe in the hell that was Maveth.

One that she seemed to be constantly hurting and the other one that she had abandoned.

Fitz was back. Alive.

Will was not.

Jemma struggled to keep her emotions in check. She should be happy that Fitz was back: he had done the impossible and survived. He had gone through the portal to protect her from more torture and to keep her safe. He loved her to the point that his own safety wasn't important. He'd always done that for her...

She shouldn't be thinking of the other man who kept her safe; of the man who'd saved her from drowning in despair when she lost all hope. The one who had put his life in danger to allow her to save herself.

Jemma felt her chest ache with the strength of her feelings.

She loved them both in completely different ways. She had hoped that she'd have a chance to have them both safe and alive and that she'd rearrange her feelings and make things clear.

But she also knew that she'd long made her choice...

It was Fitz. It had _always_ been Fitz. She was flooded with relief that he was alive and yet the feeling was thwarted by another emotion

Will _deserved_ better...

Guilt mingled with her sorrow. She had so much blood on her hands and all because she'd thought of herself: Will, the Inhumans killed by Andrew... How many more?

She felt something like a vice constrict her chest.

Jemma turned around and saw her best friend in the world staring at her. He was hurt, bleeding from a cut on his head and he seemed to be holding himself rigidly.

She felt a rush of happiness go through her veins when she saw him alive and breathing in front of her. A smile attempted to make its way on her face but it waned when reality caught up with her again and she saw the look in his eyes.

Fitz' solemn blue eyes answered her unasked question and Jemma felt as though she was doused by an icy shower of sorrow and pain.

She should be happy... She should be relieved that Fitz was alive.

She should be happy... but she _couldn't_.

And Fitz knew it. She could easily see his emotions on his face; he understood what she was going through and that broke her strained resolve.

Jemma rushed forward and hugged him tight, not caring for her bruises. She held onto him, hands curling against his neck and tears falling down her cheeks.

She cried with relief because Fitz was alive and was back by her side; she cried because she was holding him and she'd thought that she'd never have a chance to do so again. She cried because she loved him and she thought that she might never have a chance to tell him.

But she also cried as she mourned for the other man she had loved and left behind; the one that she'd wanted to save to the point of cracking and straining Fitz' heart.

Jemma cried silently against Fitz' neck, holding him and wondered if she'd ever stop feeling guilty.

-:-

He saw her dart toward the pod and he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach when he saw her freeze in front of the glass.

Fitz stared, taking in Jemma's back and wondered what he could say.

How could he tell her that the man she- Will had died while trying to protect her? That _It_ had taken over his body?

How could he tell her that he had had to fight _It_ and that to keep his promise to her, he had to kill Will?

How could he tell her all of this without breaking her heart?

Some part of Fitz' mind knew that Jemma would understand, that she'd see the reason behind his actions. Will was long dead before his arrival... but he couldn't forgive himself.

To him, he'd killed the man she loved.

How could she _ever_ forgive him if he couldn't?

Jemma turned around and he felt something like a punch to the stomach when he saw her glassy eyes and forced calm face. All the blows that he'd taken didn't match the pain he felt as he saw her pale face, lips strained in a thin line and tear-filled eyes.

Her amber eyes looked up at him and he saw the way they softened, he saw the little wave of relief and the way she attempted to smile. Fitz knew that Jemma was happy to see him but he also knew her well enough to see that she was suffering.

She was grieving.

When she ran forward and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and ignoring the stabs from his bruises.

He held her knowing that there had been a solid chance for him to lose her today. Her screams as she was tortured and he had been tied down still echoed in his head.

His eyes fell on Coulson who was in front of him and found the man staring at him. He couldn't keep the images of his leader killing Ward out of his head. They'd both killed a man today but while Fitz had done it for survival, Coulson had done it out of revenge.

He didn't know if he could still trust him now...

Fitz held Jemma closer, knowing that they were both changed as well; different from what they were yet again but they were still here after all. Together.

Everything might be against them and they had a long road ahead but he'd hang on.

And he desperately hoped that she'd do the same.

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Please, leave a review.. .:)


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